healing

Once dead, and now ALIVE

When I look back at where my life truly began, I see a girl that’s running through the fields, twirling around with the wind blowing in her hair. She’s got her hands lifted up as if to say, “I’m free”. No longer is she holding the weight of condemnation against herself, for all she’s done in her previous life. All the guilt and shame has been taken away at the moment she believed. She believes she is loved. She believes that all is well, and it’s gonna be ok.

 

Life Before My Resurrection

It’s hard to look back and pin point a particular time in life where I felt my life turn for the worst. It happened over time. A slow path leading to a life of death. That’s what I was. I was dead on the inside. Doing everything I thought I could do to fill an empty void.

By the age of 17 I felt the pain of abandonment. Left to carry a child all by myself. By the time my son was born, I was soo confused as to what the “right” thing was. I didn’t grow up in a broken family. The idea of my son being born into a life as such, was heartbreaking. So, of course the right thing was to make things work between his dad and I. By the time my son was 2, I can’t even count the amount of times we tried “working things out”.

We both hurt each other in ways that were too painful to move forward and act as if it would be ok.

Fast forward to 8 years later, when I found myself once again pregnant. By the time my daughter was 3 weeks old, another breakup, another disappointment and more shame to add to my life.

By this time, I had soo much anger, hurt, rejection suppressed. I thought I was doing a good job of covering it up. You know, acting like everything is ok. Telling myself that I was a strong woman, because I wasn’t gonna let another man hurt me and walk away from me again. No man would ever be able to hurt me again, because I would do it first. It became a game to me.

I drank soo much. I partied hard and I tried drugs that made me feel good. I was the life of the party! So, I thought…

I became a woman that I certainly wouldn’t want to see my daughters become. I did things that I never thought I’d do. The life I lived through pain became unspeakable. I was promiscuous. I was a lover of money. I can’t count how many times I woke up hungover with regret. I experienced violation. Woke up one day while “friends” were in another room, unaware of what was happening to me while I was passed out in another room.

I was open to trying new things that I knew were not good for me or anyone in general. The list goes on and it gets darker.

There was a little girl inside of me, who was longing to be found. Longing to be held. Longing to be worth sticking around, because she was worth loving. Oh, how she cried out for that kind of love…

 

Found in HIM

 

“for this son of mine was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.’ And they began to celebrate.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭15:24‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I’ll never forget the first time I stepped into a Christian church. I don’t remember what the message was… all I remember is that the Pastor said “after today, the hounds of the Holy Spirit will be chasing you. No matter how dark the place is, you will hear the howling of the Holy Spirit calling you… Hoowwwlll!!!”

At that moment, I just remember thinking to myself “he’s talking to me”. I remember feeling scared but also with this sense of being noticed. There was fear and there was relief, all wrapped up inside. As if to say; “I know what you have done, but it’s not gonna stop me from loving you and pursuing your heart.”

I wish I could say at that moment my life turned around completely. But honestly, it took awhile. Approximately 2 years before I wholly surrendered my life to the one who gives life.

But, one thing is certain. Those words that Pastor spoke were true. The Holy Spirit kept tugging at my heart. I kept finding myself convicted while in the darkest of places. You see, that dark life was all I knew. I didn’t know how to let it go. But, because of Gods reckless love, it beckoned me into seeking a relationship with Him.

My spirit was crying out yes, while my flesh was saying this feels good for the moment, stay here. Oh how our hearts can be soo deceiving…

 

“The heart is deceitful above all things And it is extremely sick; Who can understand it fully and know its secret motives?”
‭‭JEREMIAH‬ ‭17:9‬ ‭AMP‬‬

 

I know now that God, really saw value in me. Who would continue to chase after a person, who rejects you time and time again?! When I think about how dark my life got after rejection, I’m blown away by Gods unfailing love. His unrelenting love He has for me. And not just me, but for you, for ALL mankind. For those who love Him, those who reject Him and spit in His face. Those who blaspheme His name and call life with Him, a fairytale.

I’ve read many books and I love watching all the Disney cartoons, but NONE can compare to the real love God has for us. Those fairytales won’t say the prince saved the girl from a life of drugs, promiscuity, drinking and hatred in her heart. Life with Jesus is real!

 

While some may think that today is an ordinary day. I’m filled with such gratitude for what this day represents. Here, this man left His Fathers side in paradise, to be born and live amongst people who would one day shout “Hosanna”, then a week later shout “crucify Him”.

While Jesus took the worst kind of beating, the worst kind of punishment; He did it with passion. People mocked Him while He was up on that “shameful” cross. Completely clueless as to what that cross represented.

“And Jesus uttered a loud cry, and breathed His last. And the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭15:37-38‬ ‭NASB‬‬

 

That cross meant life. That cross meant healing. That cross meant reunion with our Father who longed for the day that the curtain would be torn down. Because now, we have access to God. No more animal sacrifices. The shedding of blood that was necessary for the forgiveness of sins.

 

“Under the old covenant, the priest stands and ministers before the altar day after day, offering the same sacrifices again and again, which can never take away sins. But our High Priest offered Himself to God as a single sacrifice for sins, good for all time. Then he sat down in the place of honor at God’s right hand.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭10:11-12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The perfect lamb of God gave up every ounce of blood. And He did with pure, genuine love for His creation.

I’m crying as I write this. No one has loved me in my darkest days the way that Jesus has.

I often feel like the woman who came to the feet of Jesus and broke the alabaster jar. All I wanna do is worship Him! Give Him my offering of praise. Because He truly is worthy! He deserves all of me. And it’s my goal to give it to Him. I’m not perfect at it, but I continually strive for it.

I’m praying. Praying for the girl who has experienced the things I have or worse. Praying for the addictions that seem greater than His love. Praying for those who are abandoned, those who feel rejected. Praying for those whose successful lives, seem greater than a relationship with our Creator. Praying for you reading this. Yes you! God sees you. He loves you more than anyone EVER could. He sees your pain. He sees your rejection. But if you just look into His eyes, you’ll see past all the hurt. Just stay there for a moment, and let Him embrace you. Close your eyes and do this. And don’t stop until you feel the warmth of His embrace. It’s real friend! Allow Him to reveal your true value.

 

Rest in Him friend,

With love,

Rosie Hernandez

 

Identity

Undaunted

What makes a woman strong?

I have found that one word will ultimately make you stronger than you think. It’s simple, yet many of us struggle to apply it. I mean really apply it… ready for it???

LOVE

I know, it’s soo cliché. The Christian girl, telling you, all you need is love.

But, honestly learning to love fearlessly and genuinely, has been my biggest strength.

Has it been easy? No way! I’ve had reason to hold grudges.

Betrayal, abandoned, rejected, persecuted, and even violated. The healing process of such things haven’t been easy and there was a lot of mind battles that came with the healing process.

Now, I don’t want to take away from the healing (that’s another blog for another day), but without learning to do what was hard on my own strength, which is to love despite my valid reason to not – I couldn’t have experienced true freedom.

Living love is an ongoing process. You don’t all of a sudden love someone who hurt you by deciding one day that you’ll love, and that’s it… It is a daily choice!

And let me be clear… you CAN NOT do it on your own strength. It has to be a complete dependency on the Lord to guide you into loving others. Especially when it’s hardest to love.

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.”
‭‭John‬ ‭15:5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I’ve seen people refuse it, and the outcome is always the same. Bitterness a lot of hurt and continual drama in their life. All because of refusing to forgive and move forward.

Take a look at the marches you see happening…

First off, you can’t be for women and then refuse them because of their political views. You are either for ALL women or you’re NOT. These marches are nothing but a hypocritical, selfish reason to lure people in to walk for someones own agenda. I saw more division and hatred coming out of these marches than women who are strong and empowering each other.

“Hatred causes arguments, but love overlooks all wrongs.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭10:12‬ ‭ERV‬‬

Don’t get me wrong, I believe there were some women who had good intentions.

God NEVER intended division among His people. He didn’t from the beginning and He doesn’t now.

“Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:7‬ ‭ERV‬‬

 

Only one from the beginning of time, brought upon destruction and an evil that could manipulate, deceive, and separate people from their maker.

“God knows that if you eat the fruit from that tree you will learn about good and evil, and then you will be like God!””
‭‭Genesis‬ ‭3:5‬ ‭ERV‬‬

That my friend, is satan!

Have you ever wondered why the enemy chose to deceive Eve over Adam?

Because of who God created women to be!!!

Satan knew that if he could assault woman first, ultimately he would assault mankind. And that is exactly what happened!

 

He knew that this assault would cause, blame (that’s what Adam did as God asked about eating the forbidden fruit. And it’s what we do, when we complain that Eve ate the fruit), shame, condemnation, pride and much more.

Satan attacked the very people whom God created in His image. He knew that by attacking man and bringing division against each other, he was attacking God.

Why? Because man is Gods greatest creation.

 

As parent of a teenager, when my daughter doesn’t listen to my instructions that are GOOD for her (which she often doesn’t think it is), It bothers, hurts and upsets me.

I can’t help but think about, how hurt God was when He instructed Adam and Eve NOT to eat of the fruit, and they did it anyway.

Since then, we have experienced the brokenness of relationships with each other and most importantly with GOD!

That was an attack against ALL mankind. No specific gender. All. Anyone created in the image of God.

Here was Adam and Eve, physically walking with God, and all because of disobedience, the moment they chose to believe a liar over their Creator, their relationship was shattered. Broken. A continual target for the enemy. Seeking to divide and devour mankind.

I am praying that we will truly KNOW who God has created us to be. Strong women who will empower one another. Also, stand strong beside men whom God has also created for us to work alongside and not against.

To explain further on how Eves attack was ultimately against mankind, I’m honored to introduce Carrie Friedrich as my co – writer to share her insight on who Eve was…

Carrie Friedrich:

When I was a little girl I used to run around my house in my Wonder Woman underwear. Spinning around the house pretending to be my favorite super hero.
Fasting forward 35 years… now I’m a wife, mom of three, and pastors wife… many times I still feel like I’m spinning around in circles.
But Recently as the flu bug rampaged through our home and finally hit Mom… (me) I found myself groggily going through my day waking up my daughter for school, making her lunch, preparing to speak for our church women’s night and grocery shopping…. all the things all of us moms do every single week… sick or not.
Certainly didn’t feel like Wonder Woman that day.

Made me think about Eve.

Gen. 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Do you know that the Hebrew word that was used in reference to Eve as a help meet was “Ezer”? Ezer literally means strong… it also means to carry.
Basically God himself called Eve, Wonder Woman. He calls you Wonder Woman. I am Wonder Woman. And it’s not by anything We’ve done. It’s all because He made us this way.

He made us with the strength to carry heavy things all while being tender enough to carry delicate things.

March is national women’s history month. I’m sure we will hear the names of many famous strong women who changed their environment for the good…

But we are all called for a purpose. God didn’t just give us strength to carry our own circle but to expand our reach to others.

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That is why I think of my favorite hero Wonder Woman… in the comic books she was always helping others. Carrying others to safety, fighting to save others…
All the things we can do. We don’t need super powers, we have His Holy Spirit living within us. We are capable of so much more than we think.
If we could just realize that when God called us “helpmeet” it was basically saying here she is…. strong enough to carry big things. How much more effective would we be as women if we embraced this?

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So let’s hike up our big girl super hero panties and spin into all that God has for us!

 

We don’t need to prove to others that we are strong by marching around with confused ideas of strength. We don’t need to trample over others to prove how strong we are. There is certainly no need to compete with another to prove our strength.

It’s already inside us. We just need to learn to trust God and learn to walk in Love as He has called us to do.

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‬‬“and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:2‬ ‭NASB

 

I’ve included this great video on Ravi Zacharias’ answer to the question “Does God favor a gender?” Enjoy!

 

Happy International Women’s Day!

 

Rest in Him friends,

With love,

Rosie and Carrie