My husband and I recently made a huge change in ministry, that was prayerfully made. We sought counsel, and got confirmation that this was right. Sunday morning came, and we were excited and nervous to be a part of a new church. We were in a time to be refreshed. This was gonna be great. Brighter days were ahead of us.
About 2 weeks after, I found myself in a bit of a funk, spiritually. I believe God wanted me to trust Him, and be still. But, instead of being still, I was questioning myself, because I was no longer “busy” doing Kingdom Business.
9 years ago when I made a decision to take my walk with God seriously, I immediately started serving. I wanted to have accountability. I did not take it lightly. I was always doing something. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to.
Here I am, at this awesome new church. Im excited to be around new and loving people. New friendships are being built. This is awesome! But here I was, allowing mixed emotions to get me in this spiritual funk. What was my problem?! I quickly realized, that because I wasn’t doing anything in the church at the moment, I allowed myself to somehow feel “useless”.
What was wrong with me?! Did I really think God, was done with me? You would think so, by the lies I was feeding into. These were lies. They were ugly, tormenting lies! Was this the first time I had experienced battles of the mind? Of course not. The difference this time, I was entertaining the thoughts.
“Many people are suffering— crushed by the weight of their troubles. But the Lord is a refuge for them, a safe place they can run to.” Psalms 9:9 ERV
I’m so glad to have a God who is, ever so present. Who stays close to us, even when we find ourselves in a mess. Who is a faithful friend! I have Him to run to, as my safe place.
Can we agree that change is uncomfortable? Huge changes in our life can cause confusion. It can cause us to question many things. In some cases, it causes us to question Gods character.
I knew I was allowing my emotions to get the best of me. So what did I do – I put on worship music.
“He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.” Psalms 40:3 NLT
As I was listening to the song Wonder by Hillsong. The word wonder, kept calling out to me. I looked up the definition. To my amazement, I found this…
1) to think or speculate curiously
2) to be filled with admiration, amazement, or awe; marvel
In my observance, I realize they’re completely different, yet both are profound in learning and growing, leading to a deeper relationship with our astounding God. Allow me to explain:
On one side we can find ourselves questioning (I wonder why God is allowing this to happen). The other, is a moment of revelation (God is so good. He’s faithful, He always provides, etc.) We often find ourselves either questioning Gods goodness or we are in awe of His goodness.
The beauty of wonder, is that whichever side of it you find yourself – God is there.
The lyrics to Hillsong, Wonder read:
“You’re the wonder in the wild
Turning wilderness to wonder”
When we read about the Israelites in the wilderness – we read, all about the murmurs that were coming from a people who had just experienced God miraculously delivering them from Pharaoh. As Pharaoh, chased them down to a place where they had no where to turn. God, split the seas in two and gave them dry land to walk on. I can only imagine the sight of this, as they walked through, they can see the fish that were swimming in the ocean. The sea life on both sides and no harm has come to them. They made it safely to the other side.
God is preparing them, to enter the Promise Land. Yet, here they are asking God why He’s allowed them to be in the desert, where it’s dry and there is no food or water in sight. Why would a God, who protected them from the enemy – who wanted to kill them, place them in the middle of nowhere?!? Imagine ALL the questions and doubts that would run through the mind.
It took them 40 years of circling this “dry” place. Murmuring that continued, day after day, and night, after night…
Wow! I can relate. That was me! After experiencing Gods faithfulness over and over again, here I was asking myself questions. When I knew God remains faithful.
I was about to experience Gods wonder in the midst of my wilderness…
FIND HIM IN THE MIDST OF YOUR STORM
When I reviewed the definition, the Holy Spirit, revealed some things to me. There were prayers being answered that I had been praying about, for a while…
My husband and I love fellowship, and we know how important discipleship in church is. So, hanging out and pouring ourselves into people was a given. Only thing, is that my husband was always pouring himself into others – yet, he didn’t always have someone that could pour into him. And, here we are in this new place. He’s connecting. Great men of God are just loving on him. The Holy Spirit was saying; take a look at what’s happening. These are your prayers being answered.
I was in a great place, that I knew deep inside my heart – God had placed us there. And because I wasn’t “busy” serving God – I felt out of place. It made me question if things that had been spoken over our lives were really from God. We knew that moving forward, we NEEDED a time of refreshment. A time for healing. A time to allow God to speak over our lives through others. What I did was allow the enemy lies to become louder than Gods truth. My heart was wandering.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.”
Isaiah 55:8 NIV
As I allowed the Holy Spirit to reveal these things to me, I knew God was dealing with me. I couldn’t see past my emotions. But, if I trust Him, I’ll be able to see the bigger picture
I had to take a step back to see what God was already doing. Friendships were progressing. Our hearts are being stirred with new visions – for us and for our children as well! We are now seeing their vision and are becoming a part of it.
Last month my church had a series on Excavate – to dig deeper. I had to dig deeper into this love that God has for me. His unconditional love – the love that doesn’t need me to be busy all the time, to earn it.
Deep in my spirit, I knew my works can’t make God love me more, but my attitude towards Him, sure gave off that impression.
If you are in that place that finds you questioning Gods goodness and love for you. I wanna remind you, that Gods word remains true. He will NOT leave us or forsake us. Jesus is longing to bring you true peace. A peace that only He can bring. In our messiest, ugliest situations, God loves to display His faithfulness, and wonder in our lives. What a beautiful thought that is! When we feel that we are at the end of our rope, God displays His beauty in miraculous ways.
We can look at ALL that’s happening around, and see that God is still GOOD! He is able. He is still faithful. He is still there!!! Working ALL things for our GOOD!
There are so many dimensions to Gods love! I’ve been serving Him for 9 years, and each year throughout, I continue to learn more about God, and all His glory. All is goodness. All of His ways. It never gets old!
DON’T COMPLICATE THINGS
Though I have experienced Gods FEIRCE LOVE I still experienced a distance between us due to change in my life. But, Gods love is never changing. Gods love will continue to remain constant. God’s love will continue to pursue me in all my changes of life. His love is there – not only for me, but it is also there for you as well!
Praying you experience the wonder of God!
Rest in Him friend,