Relationships

Dear Mama,

Almost 40 years old and here I am, married with 4 children. Mothers Day is quickly approaching.

I was thinking about my teenage years and how thankful I am, that I have a mom who was a mother of prayer. Words my mom spoke to me as a young girl began to flood my mind. There were times I kept my mom up late as she was praying that I would make it home safe and alive. I wasn’t a very good student. In fact, I was really bad. Now that I’m older, I can still hear the words of my mom telling me I’m gonna regret it. “Do better in school. Stay the course. Don’t do what I did,  I regret it!” Oh, how she was right! 

As a teenager, identity crisis is something you face. Trying to fit in. We find ourselves in a circle of bad influences. We battle with the struggle of gaining approval. Faced with making right and wrong choices and how we appear to our peers. 

I always felt, as if my mom didn’t really understand me. She was mom. She wasn’t a teenager. She didn’t know what it was like to be my age. Well, that’s how I felt! 

 

My daughter is 13 years old and isn’t half as wild as I was at this age. All thanks to Jesus! Even with Jesus a huge part of her life, I see the struggle of the teenage girl. I recognize the looks my daughter gives me, as I’m certain she’s thinking I have no clue as to what it feels like to be her age. 

It’s like I’m looking at myself as a young girl. Only this time, I’m on the other end. 

So what do I do? I get ready for battle! I’ll do what I know my mom did — I’ll go into battle in my ‘War Room’. I’ll stand strong and tall on my knees. My children’s future is at stake here! And in this war, I’m NOT alone. 

We spend a lot of time messing up and even more time regretting what we’ve done instead of spending time allowing God to restore what has been done and making all things NEW.

I need to let my mom know how thankful I am, for ALL she has done. Her words still linger in my head as I’m now in her position. Facing the challenges of motherhood. So I decided to write a tribute to my mama. My Lady. My queen… B213F610-5C46-4524-A18D-7E1493A4A68D

Dear Mama, 

I took a long hard look at my family, and thought about how grateful I am to have YOU as my mom. With kids in all stages of life, I sometimes feel like I’m stretched in all areas. I’m trying to figure out how to deal with each one. Do you know what I mean?! Of course you do! You’ve done it 9 times, and even now you’re a HUGE part of growth in your grandchildren’s lives. How do you do it? I’m still trying to wrap my head around it… how do you raise 9 kids and then continue to help raise more.

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I mean, who has the time, strength and desire to do that?! But here you are, so willing to do it with joy and pleasure. 

Mom, I haven’t been the best daughter to you! I’ve taken you for granted. I’ve dishonored you. I’ve misjudged you. I haven’t always shown you the love you deserve. 

I know that somethings I did as a kid have scarred you. Yet, you have never held things against me. You have ALWAYS been there for me! You have the most forgiving heart I know. 

Though I have caused you hurt and pain, here we are, with the best relationship we’ve EVER had! All thanks to Jesus! 

You often told us as kids how much you’ve missed your mom. With the pain you experienced through your loss, all you’ve ever wanted was for us to not have to feel the same. So you’ve tried and tried your best. Thank you for that mom! Thank you for your kind heart. You have been the love and patience in our family. You have taught us to be at peace with one another. Staying upset with each other has never been an option for you. 

As I continually build my relationship with Christ and I learn more about Him and His love for us, I’m reminded of how you carry the gift of peace. Regardless of the pain others have caused you, you have loved unconditionally. 

I’m now a wife and mother and sometimes I feel like I just need my mom. I’ll never forget my wedding day as we danced and you told me to love my husband and be a good mom. You have encouraged me to let go of my stubbornness. 

Thank you for all you’ve imparted in me through your example and words. Thank you for your help! Thank you for your patience! Thank you for being YOU!!! I can’t change our  past, but I can work on our future. I will spend my days loving you and cherishing you! Processed with VSCO with ke1 preset I love you to the moon and back! I’ll spend my days praying over your life as you’ve done for mine. Thankful for our God who restores and heals. Thankful for you mom! I cherish you! Happy Mothers Day! 

Love Rosalie

 

 

 

Rest in Him,

With Love,

Rosie Hernandez

forgiveness

An Open Heart

Marriage is a sweet blessing from God. Like anything worth holding onto, it will require work to some degree. The amount of work and heart you put in, and how you seek direction and heavenly wisdom, will determine the outcome and it’s fruitfulness. We will experience different seasons of life, It’s inevitable. As the years continue in my marriage, I’m finding that Gods beckoning to emulate His Son, has become much stronger in my life.

 

CONFLICT AND SOLUTION 

My husband can easily forgive. I, on the other hand, have a harder time forgetting issues that have caused hurt and pain. I can honestly say that I’ve said sorry more in my marriage, than I ever have in my lifetime. However, I had past hurts and pains before I invited Christ into my life. I lived a life using those hurts as a shield, in allowing someone else to come in and cause more hurt and pain. And since I wasn’t careful in guarding my heart in my marriage, I began to allow those “cautions” to creep inside my heart and create a wedge between my husband and I.

Even though I learnt to say sorry, It didn’t stop issues from occurring in our marriage. Conversations get heated, words are exchanged and once again, the words I’m sorry  were repeated. In some cases, I allowed myself to feel justified in being upset long after those issues should have been resolved. The more I allowed myself to feel justified for the hurt and pain, I was suppressing unforgiveness.

I was so consumed in my justification to be “bothered”, I allowed the enemy to manipulate every action and thought. Even though I knew I had learnt to say sorry, I began to get tired of saying it. Without notice, my desire to say sorry began to reduce. Apologizing is no big deal for my husband. In fact, he’ll say it, even if it’s not his fault; just to avoid conflict. Though I knew this graciousness about him, I was troubled because I didn’t want him to say sorry without understanding why he said it. I wanted to talk about why the sorry had to be said. I needed him to understand me!

“Above all, be careful what you think because your thoughts control your life.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ 4:23‬‭ ERV‬‬

 

THE NEED TO BE UNDERSTOOD

In the process of mending, my need was that my husband would understand why he said i’m sorry. Every time I asked him, his response has always been, “because it doesn’t matter who was wrong or right, I don’t want us to fight.” What an awesome husband right?! Well, for me – it wasn’t enough. I didn’t want us to continue fighting about the same issues, and if only he would understand that, those issues wouldn’t continue.

Well, so I thought!

My intention wasn’t to control my husband. Rather, I was trying to get him to understand me. The more I longed for him to understand this issue, and he wasn’t getting it, the deeper my frustration was, and I began to withdrawal emotionally.

There was this heated discussion once and because I was already withdrawing, the tension grew stronger that day. Our issues don’t last all day, but on this particular day it did. We tried to talk, then the conversation heated quickly once again. The tension was lingering and this definitely wasn’t like other days. There was something deeper happening here…

My husband left to the supermarket and here I was, upset at him and the fact that we couldn’t make up as easily as we’ve done so in the past. So, I began to pray. I wanted so bad to pray and tell God to change him. But, all that could come out was “God, help me to understand him.” As I prayed that, I gently heard the Holy Spirit tell me “you’ve become weary in saying I’m sorry.”

 

Pray to change – YOU

As soon as the Holy Spirit spoke those words, I felt all my walls come down. I understood why this time, things got as bad as they did. I may not have intentionally wanted to control my husband, but I wanted to have some sort of control. Somewhere. I felt soo convicted and soo loved all at the same time. I knew I needed to worry about God changing me.

The Hebrew word for prayer is ‘Tefillah’, which means to self-evaluate. For the Jews of the Bible, prayer was not a time of asking for things but a time to examine their lives.

 

“Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about; See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭139:23-24‬ ‭MSG‬‬

 

When we are intentional about living a righteous life, I can assure you that whatever is displeasing to God in our lives – the Holy Spirit will reveal those areas that need a spiritual “tune-up”.

When my need to be understood, became greater than the need for peace in my marriage, I became an open target for the enemy to create division between my husband and I. Opening up my heart to the Lord and asking Him to change me, allowed my spiritual eyes to be open and my ears attentive to what the Holy Spirit was saying. God wasn’t concerned about who was right, He was concerned about our hearts.

 

I immediately called my husband and told him I was sorry. I shared with him what the Holy Spirit had said. He apologized to me and our hearts were mended. In my act of obedience, God was able to work through both of us and bring true peace. God works best in our humility!

 

Don’t just survive, but THRIVE

Friends, even with those issues we faced, it didn’t stop us from having a good marriage. We had no desire to divorce or look for comfort elsewhere. We both love God, and continually allow God to work in us. But issues did stop us from having a THRIVING marriage. Processed with VSCO with p5 preset

If we aren’t constantly checking our hearts against Gods truth, we will be tossed around like the waves of the sea, by the lies and devises of the enemy.

 

“The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].” ‭‭JOHN‬ ‭10:10‬ ‭AMP‬‬

 

Gods desire is that we would thrive in this life He’s given us. We aren’t meant to live life trying to survive, but to THRIVE in the midst of all that comes against us. The most important truth I can leave you with is that we (God’s creation) have a common enemy (satan). His mission is to bring down, men and women of God. He wants to bring division in any area he is able.

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

So, it’s imperative that we remain connected to the vine [John 15:4]. We must stand firm in who God says we are. We are sons and daughters of the Most High. We can live out successfull, abundant lives through Christ. We can be obedient and humble through the same power that gave Jesus the strength to endure the cross.

Let no one tell you otherwise!

My issues were at home and in my marriage. The enemy sought to bring division there. Your attack can be elsewhere. It can be with a fellow sister or brother. It can be with your kids. Maybe, it is with your spouse. My point is that the enemy seeks to bring division in any area in our life. DON’T LET him! Praying peace over your life. Praying that whatever is holding you back from thriving – God will give you wisdom and strength to overcome.

 

Rest in Him friend,

With love,

Rosie Hernandez