healing

Once dead, and now ALIVE

When I look back at where my life truly began, I see a girl that’s running through the fields, twirling around with the wind blowing in her hair. She’s got her hands lifted up as if to say, “I’m free”. No longer is she holding the weight of condemnation against herself, for all she’s done in her previous life. All the guilt and shame has been taken away at the moment she believed. She believes she is loved. She believes that all is well, and it’s gonna be ok.

 

Life Before My Resurrection

It’s hard to look back and pin point a particular time in life where I felt my life turn for the worst. It happened over time. A slow path leading to a life of death. That’s what I was. I was dead on the inside. Doing everything I thought I could do to fill an empty void.

By the age of 17 I felt the pain of abandonment. Left to carry a child all by myself. By the time my son was born, I was soo confused as to what the “right” thing was. I didn’t grow up in a broken family. The idea of my son being born into a life as such, was heartbreaking. So, of course the right thing was to make things work between his dad and I. By the time my son was 2, I can’t even count the amount of times we tried “working things out”.

We both hurt each other in ways that were too painful to move forward and act as if it would be ok.

Fast forward to 8 years later, when I found myself once again pregnant. By the time my daughter was 3 weeks old, another breakup, another disappointment and more shame to add to my life.

By this time, I had soo much anger, hurt, rejection suppressed. I thought I was doing a good job of covering it up. You know, acting like everything is ok. Telling myself that I was a strong woman, because I wasn’t gonna let another man hurt me and walk away from me again. No man would ever be able to hurt me again, because I would do it first. It became a game to me.

I drank soo much. I partied hard and I tried drugs that made me feel good. I was the life of the party! So, I thought…

I became a woman that I certainly wouldn’t want to see my daughters become. I did things that I never thought I’d do. The life I lived through pain became unspeakable. I was promiscuous. I was a lover of money. I can’t count how many times I woke up hungover with regret. I experienced violation. Woke up one day while “friends” were in another room, unaware of what was happening to me while I was passed out in another room.

I was open to trying new things that I knew were not good for me or anyone in general. The list goes on and it gets darker.

There was a little girl inside of me, who was longing to be found. Longing to be held. Longing to be worth sticking around, because she was worth loving. Oh, how she cried out for that kind of love…

 

Found in HIM

 

“for this son of mine was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.’ And they began to celebrate.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭15:24‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I’ll never forget the first time I stepped into a Christian church. I don’t remember what the message was… all I remember is that the Pastor said “after today, the hounds of the Holy Spirit will be chasing you. No matter how dark the place is, you will hear the howling of the Holy Spirit calling you… Hoowwwlll!!!”

At that moment, I just remember thinking to myself “he’s talking to me”. I remember feeling scared but also with this sense of being noticed. There was fear and there was relief, all wrapped up inside. As if to say; “I know what you have done, but it’s not gonna stop me from loving you and pursuing your heart.”

I wish I could say at that moment my life turned around completely. But honestly, it took awhile. Approximately 2 years before I wholly surrendered my life to the one who gives life.

But, one thing is certain. Those words that Pastor spoke were true. The Holy Spirit kept tugging at my heart. I kept finding myself convicted while in the darkest of places. You see, that dark life was all I knew. I didn’t know how to let it go. But, because of Gods reckless love, it beckoned me into seeking a relationship with Him.

My spirit was crying out yes, while my flesh was saying this feels good for the moment, stay here. Oh how our hearts can be soo deceiving…

 

“The heart is deceitful above all things And it is extremely sick; Who can understand it fully and know its secret motives?”
‭‭JEREMIAH‬ ‭17:9‬ ‭AMP‬‬

 

I know now that God, really saw value in me. Who would continue to chase after a person, who rejects you time and time again?! When I think about how dark my life got after rejection, I’m blown away by Gods unfailing love. His unrelenting love He has for me. And not just me, but for you, for ALL mankind. For those who love Him, those who reject Him and spit in His face. Those who blaspheme His name and call life with Him, a fairytale.

I’ve read many books and I love watching all the Disney cartoons, but NONE can compare to the real love God has for us. Those fairytales won’t say the prince saved the girl from a life of drugs, promiscuity, drinking and hatred in her heart. Life with Jesus is real!

 

While some may think that today is an ordinary day. I’m filled with such gratitude for what this day represents. Here, this man left His Fathers side in paradise, to be born and live amongst people who would one day shout “Hosanna”, then a week later shout “crucify Him”.

While Jesus took the worst kind of beating, the worst kind of punishment; He did it with passion. People mocked Him while He was up on that “shameful” cross. Completely clueless as to what that cross represented.

“And Jesus uttered a loud cry, and breathed His last. And the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭15:37-38‬ ‭NASB‬‬

 

That cross meant life. That cross meant healing. That cross meant reunion with our Father who longed for the day that the curtain would be torn down. Because now, we have access to God. No more animal sacrifices. The shedding of blood that was necessary for the forgiveness of sins.

 

“Under the old covenant, the priest stands and ministers before the altar day after day, offering the same sacrifices again and again, which can never take away sins. But our High Priest offered Himself to God as a single sacrifice for sins, good for all time. Then he sat down in the place of honor at God’s right hand.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭10:11-12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The perfect lamb of God gave up every ounce of blood. And He did with pure, genuine love for His creation.

I’m crying as I write this. No one has loved me in my darkest days the way that Jesus has.

I often feel like the woman who came to the feet of Jesus and broke the alabaster jar. All I wanna do is worship Him! Give Him my offering of praise. Because He truly is worthy! He deserves all of me. And it’s my goal to give it to Him. I’m not perfect at it, but I continually strive for it.

I’m praying. Praying for the girl who has experienced the things I have or worse. Praying for the addictions that seem greater than His love. Praying for those who are abandoned, those who feel rejected. Praying for those whose successful lives, seem greater than a relationship with our Creator. Praying for you reading this. Yes you! God sees you. He loves you more than anyone EVER could. He sees your pain. He sees your rejection. But if you just look into His eyes, you’ll see past all the hurt. Just stay there for a moment, and let Him embrace you. Close your eyes and do this. And don’t stop until you feel the warmth of His embrace. It’s real friend! Allow Him to reveal your true value.

 

Rest in Him friend,

With love,

Rosie Hernandez

 

Uncategorized

IT IS FINISHED 

“After this, Jesus, knowing that all things had already been accomplished, to fulfill the Scripture, said, “I am thirsty.” A jar full of sour wine was standing there; so they put a sponge full of the sour wine upon a branch of hyssop and brought it up to His mouth. Therefore when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, “It is finished!” And He bowed His head and gave up His spirit.” ‭John‬ ‭19:28-30‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Scripture was fulfilled at this glorious moment. This man proved to be more that just a great prophet. He was more than the great teacher. He was more than the rabbi. Jesus was more, than the carpenters son.  He IS the SON of God. He IS the Savior of the world. He is the Messiah. 

As Jesus gave up His Spirit, the words He spoke, began to come alive to the apostles. The world, now received the gift Jesus promised of The Holy Spirit. There is no longer the veil that separated us from our Holy God. You see friend – though we are sinners (which separates us from God), we have been given access to enter into the place where Gods holiness rest. We have been redeemed. We have been bought with the precious blood of Jesus. God now sees us covered by the blood of Jesus – so, we are now worthy to enter the Holy place where Gods presence rest.

The book of John has always been one of my favorite books of the bible. Each time I read about Jesus dying on the cross, It always brings me to tears. The idea of a man, who left His Fathers side to come down and begin a personal relationship with us is such a great LOVE STORY. He first, calls us by name. Then He lets us know we have purpose in this life. He calls us out on our issues – anything that holds us back from drawing closer to Him.

 

“FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES, AND HE SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES.” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12:6‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Take the woman at the well for instance. {John 4;9} She was first of all a Samaritan (whom the Jews had no association with). Jesus goes with the desire to reveal Himself to her. There is this beautiful picture of two people, of two different societies. Jesus crosses the line of reputation, by merely speaking to her. Once He reveals who He is – He then calls her out on her sin. Was Jesus saying this to shame her? Absolutely not! Jesus (in my words) is telling her; here’s what you are doing – but even so, I love you! Let those things go, so I can teach you how to worship in spirit and truth. Now tell your friends about me. Share that I have revealed myself to you.

If you read the chapter, the samaritan woman did not get upset and run from Him. She, in fact, believed who He said He was. With what He knew about her, she would have been stoned and condemned. But instead, she experienced unconditional love. She didn’t have to hide who she was. It was spoken out right in front of her. She was left with a choice to walk away and ignore, or believe she’s been forgiven and share about Him.

 

Friend, this death that Jesus died on the cross was ALL for LOVE! A FIERCE LOVE! A love you will never experience apart from Him. His death was painful and gruesome. Yet, out of something so horrific and tragic came great blessing and honor. We are now sanctified, we are now in communion with the Father. We have been given the gift of eternal life with the Father in heaven. Satan has been defeated, and death has no victory over us.

 

As Jesus hung on that cross, there were two men being crucified. They each hung on the sides of Jesus. One to His right, and one to His left. One mocked Him, shouting “are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!” While the other rebuked him and said “do you not fear God. We suffer justly, and we deserve our deeds but this man has done nothing wrong.” He was in such a state of revelation, that in faith he tells Jesus “remember me in your kingdom!” Jesus’ powerful and hopeful reply was, “today, you will be with me in paradise”.  His promise of eternal life through His death, was being spoken over that mans life, because of His faith.

Those powerful words spoken to that man while on the cross, still speak to us today. We have the opportunity to have eternal life in paradise with our heavenly Father. If we confess Jesus as our Lord and Savior – our names are written in the book of life. We are not only promised eternal life, but we can grow in this love that God offers us. We learn more about it daily. We learn it through sufferings of this life, in miracles. We learn it in our daily highs and lows of life. If we sincerely look for Jesus through the storms of life – He WILL be found! Just as the man hung beside Jesus and received revelation of Him. So can we!

This is one of the most important times in a believers life. We get to celebrate what Jesus did on the cross. Praying for those especially that don’t know our Savior. May they come to know Jesus as their Lord. May we know Him, and live for Him!

Rest in Him friend,

With Love,

Rosie Hernandez