healing

Once dead, and now ALIVE

When I look back at where my life truly began, I see a girl that’s running through the fields, twirling around with the wind blowing in her hair. She’s got her hands lifted up as if to say, “I’m free”. No longer is she holding the weight of condemnation against herself, for all she’s done in her previous life. All the guilt and shame has been taken away at the moment she believed. She believes she is loved. She believes that all is well, and it’s gonna be ok.

 

Life Before My Resurrection

It’s hard to look back and pin point a particular time in life where I felt my life turn for the worst. It happened over time. A slow path leading to a life of death. That’s what I was. I was dead on the inside. Doing everything I thought I could do to fill an empty void.

By the age of 17 I felt the pain of abandonment. Left to carry a child all by myself. By the time my son was born, I was soo confused as to what the “right” thing was. I didn’t grow up in a broken family. The idea of my son being born into a life as such, was heartbreaking. So, of course the right thing was to make things work between his dad and I. By the time my son was 2, I can’t even count the amount of times we tried “working things out”.

We both hurt each other in ways that were too painful to move forward and act as if it would be ok.

Fast forward to 8 years later, when I found myself once again pregnant. By the time my daughter was 3 weeks old, another breakup, another disappointment and more shame to add to my life.

By this time, I had soo much anger, hurt, rejection suppressed. I thought I was doing a good job of covering it up. You know, acting like everything is ok. Telling myself that I was a strong woman, because I wasn’t gonna let another man hurt me and walk away from me again. No man would ever be able to hurt me again, because I would do it first. It became a game to me.

I drank soo much. I partied hard and I tried drugs that made me feel good. I was the life of the party! So, I thought…

I became a woman that I certainly wouldn’t want to see my daughters become. I did things that I never thought I’d do. The life I lived through pain became unspeakable. I was promiscuous. I was a lover of money. I can’t count how many times I woke up hungover with regret. I experienced violation. Woke up one day while “friends” were in another room, unaware of what was happening to me while I was passed out in another room.

I was open to trying new things that I knew were not good for me or anyone in general. The list goes on and it gets darker.

There was a little girl inside of me, who was longing to be found. Longing to be held. Longing to be worth sticking around, because she was worth loving. Oh, how she cried out for that kind of love…

 

Found in HIM

 

“for this son of mine was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.’ And they began to celebrate.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭15:24‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I’ll never forget the first time I stepped into a Christian church. I don’t remember what the message was… all I remember is that the Pastor said “after today, the hounds of the Holy Spirit will be chasing you. No matter how dark the place is, you will hear the howling of the Holy Spirit calling you… Hoowwwlll!!!”

At that moment, I just remember thinking to myself “he’s talking to me”. I remember feeling scared but also with this sense of being noticed. There was fear and there was relief, all wrapped up inside. As if to say; “I know what you have done, but it’s not gonna stop me from loving you and pursuing your heart.”

I wish I could say at that moment my life turned around completely. But honestly, it took awhile. Approximately 2 years before I wholly surrendered my life to the one who gives life.

But, one thing is certain. Those words that Pastor spoke were true. The Holy Spirit kept tugging at my heart. I kept finding myself convicted while in the darkest of places. You see, that dark life was all I knew. I didn’t know how to let it go. But, because of Gods reckless love, it beckoned me into seeking a relationship with Him.

My spirit was crying out yes, while my flesh was saying this feels good for the moment, stay here. Oh how our hearts can be soo deceiving…

 

“The heart is deceitful above all things And it is extremely sick; Who can understand it fully and know its secret motives?”
‭‭JEREMIAH‬ ‭17:9‬ ‭AMP‬‬

 

I know now that God, really saw value in me. Who would continue to chase after a person, who rejects you time and time again?! When I think about how dark my life got after rejection, I’m blown away by Gods unfailing love. His unrelenting love He has for me. And not just me, but for you, for ALL mankind. For those who love Him, those who reject Him and spit in His face. Those who blaspheme His name and call life with Him, a fairytale.

I’ve read many books and I love watching all the Disney cartoons, but NONE can compare to the real love God has for us. Those fairytales won’t say the prince saved the girl from a life of drugs, promiscuity, drinking and hatred in her heart. Life with Jesus is real!

 

While some may think that today is an ordinary day. I’m filled with such gratitude for what this day represents. Here, this man left His Fathers side in paradise, to be born and live amongst people who would one day shout “Hosanna”, then a week later shout “crucify Him”.

While Jesus took the worst kind of beating, the worst kind of punishment; He did it with passion. People mocked Him while He was up on that “shameful” cross. Completely clueless as to what that cross represented.

“And Jesus uttered a loud cry, and breathed His last. And the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭15:37-38‬ ‭NASB‬‬

 

That cross meant life. That cross meant healing. That cross meant reunion with our Father who longed for the day that the curtain would be torn down. Because now, we have access to God. No more animal sacrifices. The shedding of blood that was necessary for the forgiveness of sins.

 

“Under the old covenant, the priest stands and ministers before the altar day after day, offering the same sacrifices again and again, which can never take away sins. But our High Priest offered Himself to God as a single sacrifice for sins, good for all time. Then he sat down in the place of honor at God’s right hand.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭10:11-12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The perfect lamb of God gave up every ounce of blood. And He did with pure, genuine love for His creation.

I’m crying as I write this. No one has loved me in my darkest days the way that Jesus has.

I often feel like the woman who came to the feet of Jesus and broke the alabaster jar. All I wanna do is worship Him! Give Him my offering of praise. Because He truly is worthy! He deserves all of me. And it’s my goal to give it to Him. I’m not perfect at it, but I continually strive for it.

I’m praying. Praying for the girl who has experienced the things I have or worse. Praying for the addictions that seem greater than His love. Praying for those who are abandoned, those who feel rejected. Praying for those whose successful lives, seem greater than a relationship with our Creator. Praying for you reading this. Yes you! God sees you. He loves you more than anyone EVER could. He sees your pain. He sees your rejection. But if you just look into His eyes, you’ll see past all the hurt. Just stay there for a moment, and let Him embrace you. Close your eyes and do this. And don’t stop until you feel the warmth of His embrace. It’s real friend! Allow Him to reveal your true value.

 

Rest in Him friend,

With love,

Rosie Hernandez

 

healing

LEAVE IT AT THE CROSS – NO MORE SHAME

The word shame makes me cringe. It does so, because I know how detrimental that feeling can be. It leaves a person paralyzed in fear, feeling empty and hopeless. I know all to well, the damage that feeling can cause in a persons life. I’ve been there.

There are 2 different reasons people (women in particular) experience shame. I would like to shed some light to these areas, for the sake of healing.

THE FIRST: RELEASE SHAME

  • Things we may have done in the past.

I wanna be clear; nothing we do, or have done, can cause God to look at us with contempt. As long as we are waiting upon the Lords return, we are given the gift of forgiveness. Not only do we receive forgiveness but, we can be transformed in our minds. Then, it goes another step further – to be transformed in our life all together. God takes our mess and He makes something beautiful out of it, if we allow Him to. He will keep us standing strong on Him (our Rock and Salvation).

“He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭40:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬




It is important to be aware, that we have an enemy of our souls. His job is to get us off course and keep us off track. He is a liar and a manipulator. He would love to see us down at our lowest and keep us there.

 
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” ‭‭John‬ ‭10:10‬ ‭NASB‬‬




Jesus comes to give us life and to live an abundant life through Him and His truth. Satan on the other hand whispers lies and condemnation. He wants to steal our future that God has laid out before us. What we need to understand, is the only weapon, the enemy uses against us, are LIES!!! He is the father of lies. [John 8:44] There is NO truth in what he speaks. But, Jesus is the WAY, the TRUTH and the LIFE. [John 14:6]

Friend, we must learn to discern what whispers are coming into our mind. Learning to grasp Gods truth in our hearts can only come with spending time with our Father. It’s where we find truth. It’s where we find healing. It’s where we begin to find our purpose.
God sees our value! He is looking at us towards the future because, He alone knows what we are capable of before we could even imagine the possibilities in our life.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah‬ ‭1:5‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Don’t let the shame of your past keep you in a place of darkness. God desires that we come to His glorious light. That we be found in Him.

THE SECOND – IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT 

  • Unfortunate things have happened in your life that you had no control over. Things, that are to shameful to think about so you keep it bottled inside and it effects many areas of your life and how you see yourself.

First off I wanna say, it’s not your fault! No matter how much the enemy tries to throw lies at you saying that “it’s your fault; you put yourself in that situation, and/or you deserved it because of who you are or were”. I wanna remind you that our Creator sees you as the precious gem you are! You have been hand picked by God and He is wild about you!
I have experienced shame in both areas of my life. I’ve felt shame because of the things I’ve done. I’ve also felt shame, because of things, done to me. I can tell you confidently that healing can come, if we truly seek it! IMG_8773

“Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.” ‭Psalm‬ ‭27:14‬ ‭AMP

“From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety,” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭61:2‬ ‭NLT

“I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles.” Psalms‬ ‭34:4-6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

In my early and young Christian days I was told by a great mentor to read Psalms. Many of the Psalms are laments. But, each cry or fear ended with giving God praise and thanking Him for being our refuge and our strong tower.
FIND A SAFE PLACE

Friend, I wanna encourage you to find someone who you trust. A leader, a Pastor, or a minister who will pray with you and for you! It is important that you surround yourself with safe people who genuinely care for your healing.
If you don’t know who you can trust – then, I encourage you to seek counseling. Seek a counselor who lives and practices by the word of God. If you don’t know where to find counselors let me invite you to click here and search for the help you need.


PRAISE THROUGH YOUR HEALING



I have learned in this journey of healing, to give God praise even when it hurts. I spoke healing over my heavy heart, even when I didn’t see it. It took FAITH! Another thing I have learned through this has been forgiveness. Forgivenesses towards myself and for the perpetrator.

If I could be honest, forgiveness has been the most challenging part of my journey, yet, thee most rewarding! I had to learn to give up the right to be angry, to hold onto unforgiveness.
God desires that we offer forgiveness just as He has freely forgiven us and given us the gift of His Son Jesus. This was certainly NOT easy. But each day I had to take a step of faith and trust God through my journey.

Let me encourage you friend, if you are dealing with shame, first of all; find healing in Jesus. Remember, that this will require a step of faith on your part. It’s a day to day process. Second; let forgiveness fill your heart. Forgive yourself and/or the other person(s). You have the right to be set free from condemnation, guilt and fear. And, from feeling responsible for what has happened to you.
Remember, that when Jesus took up the cross – He took up our shame, and every weight that would try to hold us down. Receive your healing today in the name of JESUS!
Praying for your healing! May today be the start to a road of recovery. Hang that shame on the cross. ✝️

Rest in Him friend,

With Love,

Rosie Hernandez